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|The Goat Simulator|
|Loud / Stealth||✔ / ✘|
|Experience (day 1)|| 10,500 (escape)|
+1,500 (per secured goat)
|Experience (day 2)|| style="background-color:hsla(0,0%,50%,.15); padding-left:4px; width:65%" 22,000 (escape)|
+50,000 (securing all goats in separate cages on OK+DW)
+500 (per secured goat)
+1,000 (per return of the plane)
|Internal name|| |
The Goat Simulator Heist is a two day heist in PAYDAY 2 released on January 14, 2016, in a DLC of the same name, contracted by Vlad. It involves the crew chasing goats that have cocaine bags in their stomachs. It is the ninth contract given by Vlad.
- Collect the goats
- Secure the goats
Day 1 involves the PAYDAY gang collecting scattered goats around the area of Downtown. With the assistance of a Longfellow, they must bring the goats to a truck and escape.
Upon beginning the heist, players will begin at a random spot of the map. A very large crowd of NPCs, ranging from civilians, gang members, and police officers, are seen to be distracted by the wreck, but eventually, all will get alerted and the heist will go loud. Players though, can briefly take advantage of this by quickly dominating the officers for hostages or to convert them.
Most of the goats will be out in the open, standing and laying in random spots, and some jumping on cars and even in a hot dog stand. However, there are some goats that will require the crew to do additional objectives to get:
- There may be a goat in the burning building, or it can be seen hanging on a window ledge of said infrastructure, requiring the crew to find several fire extinguisher valves and remove debris to get to it.
- A goat may be stuck to a fan in a store or up on a scaffold with electrified ladders, forcing the crew to hack nearby electrical boxes to grab it safely.
- A goat may be stuck on top of a lamppost, the latter having to be sawed down (not with the OVE9000 saw, a placed saw) to get to the former.
- A goat may be inside a closed store, which the crew will have to drill the door shutter and lockpick or shoot the doors so they can grab the trapped goat.
After a while, Vlad sends in an escape truck that will take 2 minutes and will appear at a random location. It has two cages in which heisters must secure the goats in. After all the animals are stowed away, the Longfellow must be driven into the truck for the day to be completed.
A handful of ATMs are scattered around the area and it is recommended for at least one heister to bring the OVE9000 saw to open them and substantially increase the payout.
Day 2 begins with Vlad's driver preparing to extract the coke from the goats in a barn. However, it quickly becomes sour with the Honduran gang the coke was stolen from, tracks down the crew and a shootout ensues. This in turn brings the police in full force. Heisters only have a minute to eliminate the gangsters and board up the windows to prepare for the inevitable assault.
The gang is soon tasked in setting up a metal cage, like GO Bank, and haul the goats to the cage. The pilot will drop the cage parts at a random location, either the Silo, the bridge, or in front of the barn. On harder difficulties, a SWAT Van Turret will appear near the bridge to harass the crew. After the parts are placed, at least one goat must be thrown into the cage in order to deploy a balloon. The pilot will take 2 minutes to arrive but sometimes, he may miss and require additional time to catch the balloon. After all the goats are flown away, players must evacuate with the Longfellow quickly. The journey to the escape point is far from rocky, as the police has set up barricades with more turrets in attempts to stop the crew. At one point, there is a chance a Black Bulldozer will launch fuel barrels and detonate them to damage the Longfellow. Eventually, they encounter a turned bridge with civilians present and are tasked in overriding the security measures. The door can be drilled, sawed open, or be destroyed with satchel charges. The bridge will take 2 minutes to rotate and allow players to proceed to the escape point.
The FBI FilesEdit
Our officers arriving at the scene were shocked by the chaos that met them. The Payday gang was in a full-blown shootout with the Honduran cartel, with several goats running amok all over the neighborhood. Upon examining one of those goats retrieved from the scene, we found a package of cocaine inserted rectally in the animal.
My Notes: These damned criminals are willing to do anything nowadays - smuggling coke using Goats? Anyhow, this is not like the Clowns. It was sloppy and poorly executed. Even though they got away with a big fortune, it doesn't fit their usual MO. Someone else was behind this. Someone with power and influence. The Russian guy we found hiding in a dumpster still hasn't given anything up yet, but we'll break him sooner or later.
| Goat in 60 Seconds|
In the first day of the Goat Simulator heist, secure 6 goats in the escape truck within 1 minute of it arriving. Unlocks the "Scout Goat" mask, "Goat Eye" material and "Giraffe" pattern.
In the Goat Simulator heist, throw a goat in the air, kill one enemy and catch the goat before it lands. Unlocks the "Wet Goat" mask, "Hay" material and "Goat Face" pattern.
| Coffee Stain|
Complete the Goat Simulator heist on the Death Wish difficulty or above.
| Hazzard County|
Complete the second day of the Goat Simulator heist within 6 minutes from when the escape car is available. Unlocks the "Goat Goat" mask, "Flamingo Eye" material and "Illumigoati" pattern.
| Farmer Miserable|
In the second day of the Goat Simulator heist, send all goats in separate cages on the OVERKILL difficulty or above. Unlocks the "Slick Goat" mask, "Tongue" material and "Fur" pattern.
The following appeared on January 12, 2016. They were replaced on January 14, 2016.
- The teaser achievements are likely a reference to the activity of counting sheep used to put oneself to sleep. Sheep and goats are closely related to each other.
- Goat in 60 Seconds is a pun on Gone in 60 Seconds, referring to either the 1974 film or the 2000 remake.
- Coffee Stain is a reference to the developers of Goat Simulator, Coffee Stain Studios.
- Hazzard County likely refers to the fictional county in the American TV series The Dukes of Hazzard.
- Farmer Miserable is a reference to the Doctor Miserable, an achievement released with the Gage Weapon Pack #02 DLC. The requirements for unlocking both achievements are very similar.
| There is no Goat Level|
Complete the Goat Simulator job on the Mayhem difficulty or above.
| You Goat to be Kidding Me...|
Complete the Goat Simulator job on the One Down difficulty.
The following achievement was removed on October 5, 2016.
| Pro Goat|
Complete the Goat Simulator pro job on the Death Wish difficulty.
- Goat Simulator is the first DLC heist contracted by Vlad, the first multi-day heist contracted by Vlad, the first multi-day heist since Hoxton Breakout, the first multi-day paid-DLC heist since Hotline Miami, and the first pro job heist in both cases since them.
- The goats are classified as loot bags and are invulnerable to damage. Due to their ability to ram and/or kick players into bleedout they can be considered lethal loot as well.
- This is the first heist to introduce helicopters with snipers.
- The Honduran gangsters use the same models and textures as the Mendoza cartel henchmen.
- This heist takes place after Meltdown and after Hoxton Revenge, as the rat's death is mentioned in the mission briefing and day 2.
- The loot plane pilot on Day 2 of this heist was apparently a Vietnam War veteran, as he likened the heated firefight happening during the mission to the battle of Khe Sanh. He was also fired by the FAA at some point, presumably for his incompetence.