| Goat in 60 Seconds|
In the first day of the Goat Simulator heist, secure 6 goats in the escape truck within 1 minute of it arriving. Unlocks the "Scout Goat" mask, "Goat Eye" material and "Giraffe" pattern.
In the Goat Simulator heist, throw a goat in the air, kill one enemy and catch the goat before it lands. Unlocks the "Wet Goat" mask, "Hay" material and "Goat Face" pattern.
| Coffee Stain|
Complete the Goat Simulator heist on the Death Wish difficulty or above.
| Hazzard County|
Complete the second day of the Goat Simulator heist within 6 minutes from when the escape car is available. Unlocks the "Goat Goat" mask, "Flamingo Eye" material and "Illumigoati" pattern.
| Farmer Miserable|
In the second day of the Goat Simulator heist, send all goats in separate cages on the OVERKILL difficulty or above. Unlocks the "Slick Goat" mask, "Tongue" material and "Fur" pattern.
The following appeared on January 12, 2016. They were replaced on January 14, 2016.
- The teaser achievements are likely a reference to the activity of counting sheep used to put oneself to sleep. Sheep and goats are closely related to each other.
- Goat in 60 Seconds is a pun on Gone in 60 Seconds, referring to either the 1974 film or the 2000 remake.
- Coffee Stain is a reference to the developers of Goat Simulator, Coffee Stain Studios.
- Hazzard County likely refers to the fictional county in the American TV series The Dukes of Hazzard.
- Farmer Miserable is a reference to the Doctor Miserable, an achievement released with the Gage Weapon Pack #02 DLC. The requirements for unlocking both achievements are very similar.